Ok, this is a weird one for me. Understand folks I'm a part Irish misfit who often speaks ill of the country and county he's grown up in because he thinks it's an utter crap hole and would dearly love to emigrate if he could stand being more than ten miles away from family.
But anyway, be that as it may for all it's failings this country used to pride itself on the great freedoms it's people had. Freedom of speech, expression etc, but these days I swear we're living in a watered down version of a dictatorial state, (I'll let you decide which one fits us best)
Now I will admit, here and now when it comes to football I'm more of a fair weather fan. It's far cheaper to sit on the sofa with some booze than it is to traipse up to White Hart Lane for instance, and I bet these days in the uber state of health and safety you can't buy a beer any more for fear of getting a bit boisterous and attracting the unwelcome attentions of the stewards.
The national teams even more so for the most part. I blame a lot of this on the hype of the media claiming we've a divine right to the World Cup and Euro trophies at least once per golden generation we spawn from this ill gotten and dank isle.
What I'm trying to say here is, in spite of my own apathy to things I do at least recognise the right of the fans in this country to root for whatever team they fancy and deck their cars and house windows with the relevant flags and banners.
So why is it, we in England can't put up the Flag of St George any more without attracting a bunch of ne'er-do-wells with too much fucking time on their hands claiming we're racist for supporting our national team?
No one tells the Irish that they're being a bunch of racist bigots when they break out the green, white and orange bunting when St Paddy's day rolls around, or the Scots when they knock off of work for the day for St Andrew.
It's not racist to make a personal show of support for the nation you were fucking born in. It's called Patriotism. Those who don't like the fact the natives like to show some pride in their run down shit hole of a country once in a while when a big occasion comes rolling around can get the fuck out for all I care.
Yes we are a welcoming and friendly lot (Nick Griffin and his hopefully dwindling band of cunts aside) but don't expect us to change who we are just because you don't like it. Live and let live or fuck off.
... a lightly used Ford Escort? Offers starting at 18p
Seriously though, James May might have once said the hammer was the tool of the pikey, but they aren't half good at coaxing a dying starter motor into getting off it's arse and doing some work.
'All it takes is getting three bolts off, switching the wires from the old motor to the new and then doing the bolts up again,' Said the bloke who sole me a new starter motor.
True, but Ford, in their wisdom decided to put one of the effing oil pipes in the way of said motor and I know if I tamper with that and balls that up I'll be depriving the engine of oil. Result: One expensive wheeled bomb.
Cue yet another visit to the garage to get that replaced just days after getting some new brake pads and a clutch quadrant fitted to the blasted machine. I'm really beginning to wonder if I was a bit rash last year when I junked the 20 year old car we did have because the clutch was completely shot and would cost three times what the old banger was worth to replace it.
To say this constant shuffling to and fro the garage to get things fixed on this car has left me as flat as my poor, monetarily raped walled.
Mind, even forking out all this money on spares and repairs pales into comparison with the thoroughly unpleasant experience of getting the car filled up with diesel. £1.23 a litre now to full the fucker up now, which works out as 60 quid these days because the government old and new are quite happy to repeatedly rape us motorists with all sorts of taxes and then NOT use that money to repair the dog chewed, potholed and generally fucked up roads here.
Cheers Gordon (I'm a completely out of touch with society cunt) Brown.
I know there are some out there who will tell us to use our cars less and all that bollocks or to get a more efficient car but here's the catch: This car does have an efficient engine, for all it's myriad of other faults and luckily, the weekly shop aside, everywhere else I need to get to in a week is doable with the knackered old push bike I own.
That old thing will probably have to be held together with spent chewing gum and that tin foil from Kit-Kat bars for the next few months as the money I would have used to fix that has gone on the four wheeled grinning monster parked outside.
Needless to say I won't be getting drunk any time soon ... poverty really is a load of old shite if you can't at least get so legless you forget all about it for a few hours.
Did I say 18p at the start? I meant to say I'll take a crate of lager.
So I've finally accepted I'm an exile of the BBC, wanted for crimes against their blogging community before being finally hunted down after they shot out all the proxies I'd been using before terminating me for the 34th time. (Or thereabouts, I lost count)
Oh well a huge FUCK YOU to the mods over there, the fascists who couldn't handle criticism, sarcasm, wit, speculation, or FACTS regarding any number of footballers.
Here I'm free to ramble away and damn who I end up offending.
So here come some FACTS that I won't be modded for, told I'm being libellous for uttering, or be executed for deciding to challenge the establishment.
1. Thierry Henry is a filthy fucking cheating weasel. Don't come to Ireland mate. I have family there still.
2. John Terry is a cheating cunt who can't keep his dick in his trousers.
3. Mark Stimson is a tactically inept, useless fucking bottler who got Gillingham FC relegated AGAIN!
4. Phil McNumpty (I can say this, there's no profanity filter trying to beat me to death here.) Your writing is laboured, boring and shit. You don't know what you're taking about and you change what you think about team X, Y and Z more times than I've had hot dinners.
5. Lawro ... hahaha ... even I've got more predictions right. Stick to the day job, whatever the fuck that is.
6. Nick Griffin is a pudgy, fat, lying, bigoted prick who I hope will soon be beaten to death by some Poles armed with poles.